Survival Dance

On Saturday night, my friend and I went clubbing in Salt Lake.
So I've been clubbing a few times. I'm not one of those kids who "GOES TO CLUBS." But I'd been a couple of times and I thought I had a pretty good idea of what I was in for.
lol nope
I will try to give you a mental image. So there's a sub-par DJ who keeps yelling things and playing bad remixes and every once in a while he cuts the sound because he expects everyone to sing the parts, usually words like DA DA DAAAA or BOOM BOOM POW or something equally singalongable, so there would just be sort of this confused noise and then he would turn the music back on.
It was pretty dark, so there were a lot of glowsticks being flung, and everyone was breaking them and splattering each other. Also, whatever is in those things is not meant for the human eye. It stung. So hard.
Also, there was a ton of paint. They handed out supersoakers full of some kind of glowy paint (which also stung in your eyes) and so everyone was getting shot all to pieces.
Most importantly, there were SO MANY PEOPLE. I probably spent like a third of the time in there completely unable to move my body. At all. Not even a little bit. And it's not like these people were standing still and orderly. Everyone was trying to get somewhere else, or grind on you, or they were jumping or throwing elbows, etc. The jumping was especially scary because if you found yourself in a group of people who were all jumping, you had better start jumping too unless you wanted a broken foot or an elbow to the nose. SURVIVAL JUMP. That was also potentially the sweatiest place I've ever been and most of the sweat on me wasn't mine.

So in short, super loud, crappy music, constant paint dripping down your face and clothes and running into your eyes, constant danger of being mauled by some freakdancer, horndogs who keep trying to grab your hips, slimy with paint and everyone else's sweat, floor sticky with paint and crunchy with broken bits of supersoakers. I had a total of three trains of thought during my club experience:

1. THIS IS GROSS
2. THIS IS HILARIOUS
3. I COULD PROBABLY DIE IN HERE AND IT WOULD TAKE LIKE FOUR HOURS FOR ANYONE TO NOTICE

We eventually made it out (although some guy grabbed me and started carrying me back in. I just sort of went into elbow-throwing mode to get away from him. It wasn't really a place where you could have a reasonable conversation) and then we all laughed like loons for a while.
"Susannah is never, ever doing that again" announced my friend Susannah.
I dunno, I might go back if the mood is right.