Some Things

Hello. A lot of things have happened lately, but I haven't posted because of reasons. Here is a brief rundown:

1) My BFF from high school came to visit me for her spring break. It was da best. We did things such as watch classic films like "Trollhunter," and melt crayons with a hairdryer. Basically, we had a giant coloring book page featuring Spider-Man swinging from a building, and we taped all my crayons to it and melted the pants off of them. I think ideally it's supposed to look like each crayon ran down in a beautiful straight line, making a melty rainbow, but ours all sort of blended together and it looked like spider-man swung into a paint bomb. Just his legs were sticking out of this waxy mass of color. It looked great. It's on my wall.
Also we did this with Tess inside the house, manning the dryer and leaning out the window, while I stood outside and held the paper up to the window. So we got some weird looks.

2) I played nightgames with a bunch of dudes. First we played capture the flag, which I am sub-par at. But THEN we played hide and seek which I am AWESOME at. Hiding, that is, not finding so much...although, I gotta say, being hide and seek champion is a good example of how it's possible to be a winner and a loser at the same time. Because they couldn't find me...I mean, they were calling me, I was talking to them on the phone, texting, and they still couldn't find me...(actually, at one point two guys walked past my hiding spot and said "I don't think she'd be hardcore enough to go in there." Who's hardcore now, SUCKAAAAS?) but at the end of the day it's sort of like "Well, I'm glad we spent this last forty five minute period looking for a nineteen year old girl who was sitting very still in some bushes!" There's not like a SUCCESS moment when you are hide and seek champ. You just sort of gratefully crawl out of your hiding place and try to regain the feeling in your bum.

3) If you remember the post below this one, where I was invited to a crazy person's jungle-dance...yes. I attended that. It was really legitimate. It felt like a club, if a club were the size of a small living room. The guy who invited me was wearing sort of a torn leopard print toga thing, and there was this big Hispanic guy in a wifebeater and a tiger-print shrug who wouldn't let me in the door without rubbing my head for about ten minutes. Our convo went like this: Him: "Whoaa I love your hair. Let me see it." Me: (inaudible over powerful loud music) "Okay." Him: "I love this. I love ALL of this. Who did it?" Me: (inaudible, as my head is being manhandled) "Friend of a friend." Him: (surprised, pointing to the girl just behind me) "That girl?" Me: (violently nodding a shameless lie) "Yeah!" Him: (to bemused girl behind me, with a big high-five) "Girl, you did good!"

4) A guy in one of my classes was sort of making fun of my combat boots, and we had the following talk:
Guy: "What, were you planning on kicking someone in the shins today?"
Me: "I already did. AND THEY DIED."
This is a good way to end that particular conversation. He looked straight ahead and made a terrified face. It may have been for my benefit but who can say.

Friendly

Today, the boy I was sitting by in my religion class leaned over and said "I'm trying this new thing where I don't shower. Can you tell?"

"Not yet," I said politely. "How long has this been going on?"

"Four or five days. I just use baby powder to get the grease out of my hair."

Then he invited me to a dance party with a fog machine and lasers with a mandatory animal-costume dress code. If it's a real thing I may be tempted.

Hypothetical

Today I just want you to think about what kind of experience you'd have if suddenly the power went out while you were in your windowless bathroom taking a shower.

Old Text

Whenever I get a text that makes me laugh or feel especially good, I lock it in my phone. I rarely go through them to re-laugh or whatever, and they just end up clogging my inbox like bacon grease in an artery. I just went through them and here are some of my favorites. The range is from 2 years ago to now...heh heh. Also I've forgotten the backstory for most of these, so don't ask. I have a lot of them, but most of them were super weird or unfunny out of context or from hawt guys, so.



"Oh pip pip cheerio and so forth."

"With cam's new ratty facial hair, I may have 'the cutest one' under lock down."

"I've decided that you are the young, no blonde, straight, quieter version of Ellen Degeneres."

"Were the Russians swimming near the boat? Leaping? Breaching?"

"Want me to come see if I can find you? ...on my motorbike..."

"I had this dream that we were in the library together and suddenly there was an earthquake and the roof started caving in. You turned into a superhero--you were wearing silver spandex and purple combat boots and you had little horns like daredevil. You held up the ceiling with one hand while we all ran for cover. Later, they put up your picture next to Harold's on the first floor since you saved the library. Yep."

"...and stay drug free! Man, life is so good!"

"Your wolf made the pumpkin :)"

"How do you feel about mushrooms?"

"Yeah I can never decide if I want to make fun of him or bring him a casserole."

"Love your guts. (a command)"

From Russia WIth Love

Our apartment complex is having an Oscar night, and so certain apartments are supposed to team up and make a video. At Oscar night, prizes will be awarded, etc. etc.
My group is making a Bond spoof. During character assignments, one person said "There should be a Russian. There are always Russians in Bond movies."
So of course I volunteered.
Today we filmed. I wore a slinky dress, combat boots, and a Russian fox fur hat the size of my TORSO (the guy who supplied the hat also supplied a blue velvet Italian-made suit and footie Dr. Seuss pjs. I would like to get to know this guy better, maybe) and it was great. Here were my lines, delivered in my heaviest Russian accent:
(After being hit by Bond) "You hit like baby."
(While my goons drag Bond towards a pile of snow) "Put him on ICE, boys!"
"Your state secrets belong to the state now, BOND!"

"Как дела...BOND?!" (trans: How are you doing...BOND?!) It has been a great experience for me and my career. In other news, there was also a nerd party today, and one of my neighbors stopped by because I'd mentioned that maybe I had a superhero t-shirt she could wear for said party. When she came over I couldn't find it but I felt guilty telling her I had nothing nerdy to offer becaaaause when she knocked on the door I was playing Batman: Arkham Asylum on my computer. It's a sweet game, if that's any excuse.